what THIS tara is doing today...

Hooray! Tell us about the daylight. Is it wierd hours and stuff? Can you see the huskies breath when they pant or do they do that? Do you put your beer outside to keep it cold?

3-April 2005 Sunday 2207 AST

10 p.m. and it is just getting dark. The daylight savings time has certainly made the extended daylight that much more dramatic. Just checked on-line to find that my boys lost today (the Red SOx, remember how I am a brand new baseball fan?) and ate a spinach salad. A little late for dinner, but it seems to make sense. Still, that is now, and I think I should really begin...

Awoke this morning to snow. "It's snowing, it's snowing, god i hate this weather" except that I don't. I stretched and ate oatmeal and then a walk down to the water. The water, by the way, is cold. I touched, couldn't help myself. The plunge will come a little later.

After that up to the '2 Sisters' bakery. Julie, the ladies behind the counter were lovely. Maybe just because it was so very warm in there and they were all bare of arm, and free of make-up. Hair all tied up leaving slightly glistening necks exposed, skin pale, cheeks flushed. All 3 soft of silouette. A lovely place in town, one where I felt safe and belonging. You would like it there, I believe. The coffee good, the smells scrumptious.

A little more solo roaming, then home and meeting the boy, the fellow educator, the partner in crime. He is... intense. At least by first impression. Talked a lot, lives in Bellingham, WA, and well, is intense. Certainly solid, eager and enthusiastic. We'll be good balance, I hope.

At 1700 AST there was a scheduled owl talk and walk up at the nature centre on the bluff. No one but CACS staff showed up so we just went for the walk, only to 'walk' in 2.5' of snow one wears snowshoes! A first for this girl. I was only brought to my knees (to pray?) once by stepping on my own strap. Once the tension over a new method of walking left my body, I adapted if you will, I really enjoyed both the shoes and the walk. The day had cleared and the light glistened on the crust of the snow. The sky was blue, the spruces a blueish green. all idyllic. I learned a bit about spruce cones and a wasp gall called a willow rose. When I removed the shoes my feet seemed ridiculously tiny.

Tomorrow work begins. I don't know if I'll be ready, I don't know if I am enough. There is a daunting body of knowledge for me to get a handle on, and simply so many beautiful things for me to see every day.

Eek!

Walking through blizzards...

4 April 2005, Monday 1854 AST

First day of work, uh, head spinning, glad to have survived. Naw, that is exaggeration. I was overshadowed by the bonding of the Pacific coasters, and daunted by how very much I do not know, both about the area where I am living as well as the species I am to be working with. (I don't mean the kids.) As a girl born and bred along the 'depauperate' Atlantic coast I am OVERWHELMED by the diversity here, and excited by it. I will make sense of it, I will.

After talking in the office and a round of "Invent an Invert" (the male of my species had a tickling appendage to inspire the female to spawn) we walked to the Pratt Museum to visit the live tanks. Oh, my how I can't wait to touch. I gazed at a slumbering Giant Octopus for a while, became enamored with sea cucumbers and loved the Gumboot outright. This will all become solidified when I have first hand experience with these species along the beach. So, I am a little frustrated by how dusty my general zoological knowledge is, but am inspired none-the-less.

Post work, about a quarter to six I ran to the library to attempt to get a card using the postcard Thomas sent me, AARRGH! My face slammed against the glass at exactly 6 p.m. On a much slower walk back to the Centre I stopped in the Grog shoppe just to check prices there, no intention of buying. In the looking I found 'Moose Drool' brown ale, a Missoula, MT brew I've had but once before. Smuggled to Maryland by one Jocelyn Whitworth. I could not resist, and so purchased a 6. Who needs food when you can drink good beer every night.

Walking home with an exposed 6-pack inspired a local to talk to me. I was walking past the brewing supply shop where a man in a red jeep told me I had my priorities straight. I had already been informed that this was Sean. He told a good story about a real moose dipping its head in a brew pot of his. He also introduced me to Daisy, his dog.

I am a slow girl, this is maybe what I learned about me today. When talking with Bree and Matt about things we have on our life 'TO DO' lists, theirs were along the lines of surfing pipelines and climbing mountains, mine was knitting socks and having my own milkin' goat. I feel such a small girl, even though I take up a lot of space. Simple is maybe a better word. I don't know. I must continually remind myself that there is nothing wrong with me not wanting the big things, right? Things wrong, for sure, but not that.

And I found myself missing the quiet of J.C. Parker.

All for now, but hey, in Alaska its early!

Snowing again...

An ineresting thing I have noticed thus far, and maybe it is just because this organization is so very female, but there seems to be a huge male/female seperation here in Homer. I don't know, more research, to be sure.

Sigh.

Cold, windy and wet. I might say luckily I spent much of it inside, but the most energizing time of today was spend out of doors, scrounging about the docks out on the spit, and scrounging about for fishermen, or other seafolk (just for you Jules). There, just leaning over the edge of the dock I saw invertebrates galore, a dense forest of inverts in fact. Calcereous tube worms, plumed anemones, and urchins. Further out on the spit we looked at all the bald eagles, their talons so crayola yellow, almost artificial.

Prior to work in the field, I was wondering why I was here. Kids? a perky educator? Naw, I am a very quiet naturalist, not an environmental educator. Still don't know how I am to catch up with all the inforamation I just do not know, like the geology. Crimeny.

Sucess story, a library card I had to work for, persuading the librarian I really am a good patron, 6 books and inning 8 of the baseball documentary. My world champions can't seem to win at the moment, but I can deepen my knowledge of the game they play. Maybe even eat popcorn in the process.

The wind howled loud and long last night leaving me with nightmares. I was a man about to be completely locked-in, paralyzed by some disease, but my gonads were being removed so that I could still reproduce. It was disturbing, and it felt like I was awake for the rest of the night, though waking up again makes me realize this could not have been true.

Once again I have had beer before dinner, it has filled me up and at about 2100 AST I have no desire to eat. Drat.

Downloading music and sticking it on the office computer...

And so it continues...

I am just not feeling it at the moment, sorry.

What I do want to mention is this, my moment ot shine today came when I rigged the plankton tow. I found all the right tool to rig that puppy to a telescoping aluminium pole that I found. I bought seine twine today, and I used my spike! I was the TARA today who was comfortable with her creativity and rigging skills. And yes I am meticulous, and yes I am anal, but I think my work looks nice and I've no doubt it will last! HU-frickin'-RAH! (and la-di-dah!)

A woman named Erin McKeown plays the coffee shop tomorrow night and I am hoping to go.

For now, that is what I've got. Beyond that I am tepped. I'll do better for my loves tommorrow...

Sweet dreams, no more weird ones that leave you staring at the ceiling at 3 a.m. whatever standard time you may be slumbering in...

Sigh. (with bunny ears firmly in place atop head)

Am all sorts of content. Full of beer, cold air and talking to Matt about it all. It is nice, I think we are settling in together. He gets less intense, and maybe I moreso. Balance. Speaking of, I still need to find a yoga class. I can only stand on my head in my room so often before I need someone guiding me through it.

Scale worms, that is my new project. I want to research scale worms before bed, but it has just gotten dark here at a quarter to 10 p.m. and that is a lot of daylight. And I still want to spend time with both e.b. white and desmond morris. Yes, I will bring both men to bed.

Who wants to spend June travellign around Alaska with me? And who knows what I want to do when I am done here? Especially if it makes $$$. Last night I honestly considered whoring, I've got the goods and services after all, why shouldn't I put them to work for me? But today I am in a much calmer mood. Maybe just looking at all the bald eagles and scale worms has given me that. Maybe it was the dead river otter on the beach or the skate egg case which has a developing baby inside that is in a tank on my porch. Nature is amazing, and for tonight, enough.

I love you.

Friday.

I got postal mail from Julie today!!!!! But I am savouring. It is in my bag, awaiting me. Sometimes I fondle the envelope, sometimes I sniff it, sometimes I rub it against my cheek, you get the idea, but I haven't opened it yet. I so enjoy the anticipation.

Today we walked Bishop's Beach with 2nd graders from the old believer village down the road. All the little girls had on beautiful long flowing skirts (one even had sparkles!) and head scarves along with their tidepoolin' rubber boots. (rubber boots...?) They are some variety of Russian Orthodox, and I need to do more inquiring about them. I would have loved to photograph these purely angelic things muckin' it up in the icy water, but I was uncertain as to whether or not it was acceptable with their belief system, apparently it is elaborate. All their names were long and difficult for my jersey tongue, but I liked them quite a bit. The boys were cute too, but they were second grade boys, loud. We found an abundance of life, my daily favorite, the limpet, and gathered algae to press back at the office.

Then off to a talk about the woods frogs of Alaska. (Rana sylvatica) I was most interested to learn that their anti-freeze work via glucose. Basically they replace the water in their cells with a glucose slush (like a slurpie? Blue raspberry flavored, I think) such that their cells won't collapse when all the water leaves town thanks to osmosis. They get a nice crust of ice over them, stop breathing, and winter in this way. Come spring when they emerge the first thing on their minds is not eating, but mating. A species after my own heart.

Tonight at the local museum an art opening involving a plankton parade. I shall report back to let you know what species I become. For now I shall study the whole pacific coast over a cup of coffee and a spoonful of peanut butter. There is just so much.

I love plankton, and I want you all to know it.

Some days I awake with the acute desire to go home, without knowing what or where home is. This is one of those mornings.

I am about to take the boatride over to the field station for a day of physical labor, 'this will be good for me' I can not help but think. The light might just be starting to get to me, and I have not been physically exhausted in some time. This will be good for me.

More to come...

After a grim beginning today turned out brilliantly.

After this morning, I was no questioning my decision to be here.

There was a boat ride, and a bunch of new species, (steller's jays, spruce grouse, and a gunnel guarding a clutch of eggs larger than the little fish, wee little brittle stars, barnacle eating nidibranchs and their snotty egg sacs, murres, kittiwakes and even 2 sea otters) physical labor of clearing trails and launching Lutz spruce (a hybrid of white and sitka) stumps off the trail, and even a little hauling! In fact, I wound up on this rowboat mission and was the girl who hauled up the intake valve for our touch tank, about 30' or so of cold wet line with a fairly heavy anchor at the end. The rower, a man named Barrett, said while watching my hauling, "Do they make them all like that in New Jersey?"

So, body tired, back at the office, I am more content than I have been since my arrival. I am learning, and the land across the bay is beautiful. I am bound to have a million fabulous natural history moments. All the uncertainty, all the fear of failure, all the moments of feeling alone are suddenly worth it.

Well, must go make some microwave popcorn, or all the beer will go right to my head and I might do something silly.

xxox

No one writes about the boring stuff.

And boring might just be too strong a word. Just, little moments of life. Walks, long walks along the beach, where I saw people walking their horses, and waded through icy knee-deep water. Squished my naked toes through the sand. Whiled away the hours at the library flitting from book to book, drank weak coffee at the 2 sisters bakery. (worth it when you are enchanted.) Went grocery shopping at the 'slave you more' and was, as ever, stunned by how much things cost. But tonight enjoyed a huge bowl of nummy veggie soup that I made, dusted heavily with nutritional yeast.

And tonight? Well, as my darling julie knows I have re-arranged my travel such that I will be in Seattle june 15-29, and could be no more excited about it than I already am, for doing so would cause me to burst forth from my skin. Overheard a woman in the bakery today say she was just in Seattle and took in a mariners game. I have already printed out their june schedule!

Now for a huge mug of tea, and to bed with W.P. Kinsella and 'Shoeless Joe' (where upon he uses as many similies as a first year Lit. major.)

Longing to hug and be hugged,

Morning my loves.

Soon there will be a mug of coffee in my hands, and I will have it nearby as I write. As I sip it my words will become only slightly more coherent, but my smile dramatically larger.

I thought that perhaps by clutching the palm-sized stuffed lamb that a boy named Torvn sent me last night would help keep the odd dreams at bay. Alas, such was not the case, but I am certain I lost my grip for a while, and so... perhaps it was then that my sleep was invaded by disturbing images.

I won't call them nightmares, it isn't quite that caliber of dream, just periodically upsetting, unsettling, and slightly disturbing. Last night especially so. I was in my mother's bedroom, she had become a doctor, I could tell by the stethescope around her neck. She had a pile of human torsos, each bagged in clear plastic piled in the corner. she was getting around to doing some forensics work on them. A man with a stab wound between his right scapula and spine, big and round, about 2.5" across, a woman who had suffocated attempting to lighten her hair color with chlorox bleach, it worked, her hair was a yellowy-white, and still up in a shower cap. I was being scholarly the entire time my mother was explaining her work with each corpse, but when she was through I ran to the kitchen and made her listen to my racing heart with her stethescope until it quieted.

It wakes me up, and I find it mostly an interesting side affect of a decent sized shift in my life, but they could sta