The Kink-o-meter, a logarithmic scale of, um, human variation.

zero: never unless to conceive child (once, that is, and without liking it)
one: once a week by preference, missionary, in the dark
two: exploring, for instance, the kama sutra; in the kitchen, outside, and in the middle of the afternoon
three: biting, spanking, and edible body paint
four: candle wax, exhibitionism, and occasional use of toys
five: light restraints and edge of pleasure/pain
six: real B&D, roleplaying, inability to enjoy it vanilla-style
seven: fisting, light S&M, pain
eight: gerbils & other fetishes (the peeing thing, etc)
nine: serious S&M, humiliation of partner, toys and accessories necessary
ten: truly unmentionable (lasting damage, for example)

Rank your friends, loved ones, and employers!